There are times I wonder if I’ll ever cry again and other times I wonder if I’ll ever stop. Some sadnesses are small affairs that can be acknowledged and invited to move on. But some sadness takes possession of you with no warning. The tears start and you know you’ve got to find a refuge of time and space to let them flow. There may or may not be a trigger. Usually its some obvious wound but it soon becomes apparent that it is attached to to an unending string of wounds that tug on each other like the magician’s scarves. There’s no way to skip over it, dissipate it with time tested tricks of gratitude, or convince it to wait. Time to invite it in like Billy Holiday’s heartache.
2020 capped off 4 years of insanity and raised the bar of craziness with daily outrages, constant head shaking and jaw-dropping, and loss. Loss of decency, loss of trust, and loss of lives by the most needless means. It’s persistent onslaught has awakened stellar journalism and a slew of tell all books. It’s a year with so much soul challenging material, I find myself surprised at my silence in commenting on it as it passed through. But it was too big for me. My energies were devoted towards maintaining some personal balance in stormy waters, nurturing the priorities in my life, and fighting off memories of the late 60s and early 70s.
The world has changed forever and I feel a personal shift as well. Though I have been lucky to live a life in which the recent world events barely touch the actualities of my life, I suffer from the grief spurred by a litany of losses, confusion brought on by unending irrational behavior, and fear for the tragedies I see coming. I feel a need to review the year and see what I find worthy of remembrance.
In reviewing my pictures, I see it was the normal year of fabulous heavenly events, Sky Valley’s nurturing beauty, jigsaw puzzles, seasonal cycles, and personal projects. What I see missing are trips to Montana, visits with friends and family, and our normal opera and ballet venues. These are small sacrifices to keep ourselves and family healthy. What also lies unexpressed in pictures is the rapid digression of Chulo and my mom. Both their worlds are getting smaller due to their diminished sensory acumen and both are getting more frail while still enjoying what they can. It’s a testament to their resilience but sometimes difficult to watch.
We have been fortunate to have only lost one in our circle of love to Covid 19 and do all we can to keep it that way.
Here’s a brief review of the year:
JANUARY:
I remember it coming into view with the wishes for the gift of clarity as in having 20/20 vision. In hindsight it does not seem to have fulfilled the promise of its numerical meaning.
FEBRUARY:
Just like always, the wildflowers started in February. Not a spectacular year but always exciting after the a long brown winter.
MARCH:
Last opera, last safe hug, and last face-to-face Sunday meditation meeting.
APRIL:
We celebrated my mom’s 97th birthday with a great meal and cake. It was really satisfying to complete a project putting together my dad’s flight notes from the war with the map of South America on which he charted them. It hangs in my office so I see it everyday. Tootsie woke up in time to graze on the wildflowers in the front garden
MAY:
The first rattlesnakes and chuckwallas appeared and I took a couple of bird drawing classes with a very fun instructor online. A gift of the pandemic to have these free classes. I was amazed to find my drawings actually looked like birds!
JUNE:
Juneteenth got me interested in flags. I bought the official Juneteenth flag and found a site where you could buy protest flags that donated some of the sale price to worthy causes. An obsession ensued.
JULY:
The protests in Hong Kong were so inspiring I made my own rendition of their protest flag since I couldn’t find anywhere to buy it. By the time I’d made it, the Chinese government had shut down the protests and made it illegal to be in possession of one of these flags. It flies in the Western portion of the Medicine wheel opposite the Oglala reservation flag that flies in the east. Good company. John Lewis left us in this month
AUGUST:
The fire near Morongo was pretty close and brought us visions of a red sun shining through the smoke. I finally found a place to break down the phrases from Desiderata. I printed them out and attached them to a bunch of metal plates I took from Elizabeth’s estate. The mark the path of the Labyrinth so you can read through the whole poem as you travel in and out of the Labyrinth.
SEPTEMBER:
I began Deng Ming-Dao’s Tai Chi and Tai Chi Sword Basics classes that will continue through January. I count it as another gift of the pandemic to have brought this opportunity to me online. I have followed him for years and never been able to attend his workshops. RBG left us in this month
OCTOBER:
Flags for Good released a black Dissent flag with RBGs lace collar depicted. It flies with the Hong Kong protest flag at the Medicine Wheel. The bathroom project began at the end of the month. Another long envisioned project started.
NOVEMBER:
The Medicine Wheel received a major enhancement by laying down red mulch in the pathways in reference to the “Good Red Road” espoused by the Lakota Sioux. Another long held wish to work with Porfirio Guiterrez, master weaver and dyer in the Zapotec tradition, came true online. I jumped at the offer to attend an online weekend workshop in dying fabric with cochineal and osage orange. Tootsie went down for her winter nap.
DECEMBER:
My birthday month found me cracked open to some new awareness and personal reflections. Stray conversations and events awoke me from the sleep of routine and habit. Must be time to shake the bars of the prison and clean out some space in order to receive the new. So from this limbo space of letting go and waiting for the new, I enter that emergent phase of fear and wonder about coming changes. I know that my deep connections with my dearest friends will be the bedrock from which to explore while forging new connections with an open mind will fuel the change. Come on 2021 – show me what you’ve got!
This is a collection of my musings about Ric’s art work that I have given away to those he loved and loved him. It brings me great comfort to have these pieces dispersed to those for whom they will spark memories of him.
The book is ridiculously expensive at $40 to print but I took advantage of a bulk discount that knocked it down $10 to buy this first batch for family and friends. For those of you who would just like to read about his pieces, click here for a pdf file. If you really wish to have a copy, let me know and I will order another batch when I can get another discount. Enjoy!
I have done 3 cleanups since Ric died in 2015 but then I got stuck. Though I was able to move enough stuff out of the way to give Jeff Frost some studio space for his audio-visual endeavors I was left dumbly wandering about each time I went in and saw the state of the rest of the studio. It was part museum of our life together, part memorial to Ric, but mostly storage. I couldn’t imagine how I could sort through it on my own nor could I see how I could ask someone else to. But it happened. Apparently my distress was felt by the universe and the cavalry arrived to release the logjam.
Having Jeff use the place as base camp for his California on Fire project reawakened the satisfaction I feel having a working artist on the premises. It also helped me realize that’s Ric’s vision for having The Number Nine be a temporary haven for artists could really work and it was time to take the next steps. So I was ready for Jeff’s plan to clean up the studio and make it into a truly workable space for artistic endeavors. I can’t get over how fast he got it done. The bare white walls are back and there’s open floor space for reconfiguring as needed. We found a home with encaustic artist Harrison Fraley for boxes of beeswax and encaustic paraphenalia Ric had accumulated and we consolidated all my stuff into a 1/4 of the space on shelves that I can easily manage to cleanup. I feel so much lighter and as though Ric was whispering in Jeff’s ear to kick me into action. Now, I’m ready to move on to the tool shed and then, maybe, my closet!
This exercise reminded me of how Ric was always reorganizing or moving his studio. It was time he spent taking inventory and evaluating each item based on his present needs. It was a time he spent making room for new things and ideas to move in. He liked to have empty vessels around the house to remind him that you have empty out in order to be filled. It was also usually a precursor to a big new creative effort. Now its time for me to be emptying and allowing the new to arrive!
I write this while on a family trip to Philipsburg Montana. We are socked into a week of rain which frees us from the burden of great weather that we feel we should be out enjoying. Now we can lounge around and read a book cover to cover, watch movies, listen to podcasts, savor the fragrance of soup simmering, and daydream. Its a time to look from afar to reflect on what has happened and evaluate possibilities for The Number Nine. I see that what was Ric’s vision that I had no idea how to actualize has manifested itself with very little effort on my part. I see it is not Ric’s dream alone anymore and it is already working. I see how each person who has come to stay has brought their own special energy and insights that have enriched the dream. Hopefully, they will be infused with the magic of The Number Nine and take it with them. For me, I’m looking forward to this next part of the path.
Here’s a thought I heard expressed that made me start thinking. At this writing, the second Desert X has just opened, releasing us from the anticipation the organizers have orchestrated. Already complaints have been raised about the invasiveness of pieces to the point of one being pulled out of the lineup close to the last minute in a controversial decision about its effect on wildlife.
All the pieces will be big hits on the creators’ resumes but only time and the audience will tell which speak most profoundly to the nomadic audience. I’m thinking the question “What is art?” will be a common topic of conversation along with “What is the role of art in our society?” and “What is the focus of Desert X?”. I’m betting the answers will vary depending on if you are a resident or a visitor to the Coachella Valley to participate in this event.
Beyond the obvious economic boost provided to the valley and an effort to make art participatory, Desert X also attempts to make the desert landscape and ecological issues a part of the experience. Making the desert a canvas on which artists can play is sure to raise the ire of any dedicated desert rat. They are a prickly sort that vehemently argue for the desert’s fragility and revel in its viciousness. Seeing it civilized by a mob of selfie, app-obsessed tourists flown in for a romp around the ancient lake bed is an affront taken personally. For the visitors, it’s a treasure hunt excursion through apparently monotonous scrub in search of a thrill or a meaningful encounter while enjoying the world renowned resort facilities beneath towering mountains.
No matter your viewpoint, the desert and the local artists are the unofficial stars on this stage. The steady soaking winter rains we have had promise a super wildflower display that should outdo any of the manmade pieces on the menu. Similarly, our local artists have been working steadily for years having come here to feed their creative muses on desert space and extremes. Some have been working on specific projects through the winter in preparation for the festival of art seekers Desert X is promising.
Living in the desert reframes a person’s perspectives as can be seen in the exploration of light and color by Ryan Campbell’s work, the time and space alterations in Jeff Frost’s California on Fire audiovisual work, the light playing celebration in Philip K Smith III’s reflective installations, and the expanding dimension fields of Maggie Lowe Tenneson’s glowing meditative paintings. This is just to name a few of my favorites! The desert seems to foster creativity and encourage all its devotees to express their essential selves against its backdrop.
The desert can produce the most extravagant wildflower displays along with wicked sandblasting winds that make the palm trees bend and whistle and all life to burrow down deep. You know you are a desert creature when you realize you are always playing with a tiger’s tail; never knowing when the beautiful thing will awaken to eat you. Its seductive quiet and beauty can lure you deep into its expanse before you realize you are lost to familiar territory. This can be frightening or thrilling or revelatory depending on your readiness. If you tarry long here you learn that while the marks you make on this seemingly endless landscape are nearly indelible; so too are its marks on you.
If Desert X can raise awareness of this razor edge separating delicate beauty and fierce hostility and allow the desert to work its magic in unleashing creative energies then it will have pointed to the best of the event.
I still remember long boring summer days of my youth not knowing what to do with myself. I think, if only I’d had some discipline or focus I could have learned a language or how to play a musical instrument. Now in my autumnal days, time seems to be slipping away at an alarming rate.
Just what have I been doing since my last update in July? I had to look through my photos to remember! I find lots of pictures of creatures who visited, glorious sky shows, ususual natural findings, and some shots of weird lighting effects I’ve noticed. No grand tours or achievements documented; instead a collection of everyday things that delight me in my wanderings about The Number Nine.
In an effort to further process all the stuff Ric left, I began work in September on what started off as a time capsule containing boxes of Ric’s papers and memorabilia that I couldn’t throw away but had to move out of the studio. Packed into weather and rodent proof boxes and wrapped in palm fronds they cover an ugly pile of concrete leavings that I didn’t know how else to get rid of. Since the Day of the Dead was on its way, this time capsule morphed into an Ofrenda for Ric but soon included our other recently departed family members.
I took clues from the movie Coco and found it comforting to build a little party for the dead with treats I knew they liked like sugared ginger, butterscotch, cigars, coffee, and licorice. Much to my surprise the licorice flavored Twizzles I put out in the evening were all gone the next day! I can’t think of any animal that could have so cleanly picked these out of there without disturbing a thing. The next day all the red vines were gone just as cleanly. A true mystery but it tickles me to think that the Ricster played that trick on me especially since he would have been disgusted by the low grade licorice I had offered.
Simultaneously, the Pest Cemetery had been taking on some new enhancements. The name cracks me up because it started off being the area along the south fence where I buried the remains of the rodents I have trapped. Besides an occassional morsel I might leave out for the roadrunners and raptors, I found I needed to bury the bodies to discourage flies. Now they reside under crosses made from palm fronds and shielding my view of the neighboring property. I like to think they also have an energetic aspect that protects me from the neighbors.
I was compelled to construct concentric circles around the trees in the front garden using natural objects such as acacia pods and crushed oleander leaves. The configurations serve to remind me of the ripple effect of each action for good or evil.
I think I have definitely moved into the realm of eccentric old woman. I am recently drawn to dead flowers and fruiting bodies of plants. The dead bracts from the palm trees and dried oleander branches fascinate me and I’ve begun to collect them in arrangements in various places of the property. I am amused to thumb my nose at my inner judge and do what pleases me.
My sister Jeanne’s husband Fletcher began writing his autobiography years ago in dribs and drabs. At one point I transcribed a large piece from his long-hand legal pad scrawlings and found myself transported through a life that couldn’t have been more opposite than my experience. He was a black man raised in the 30’s and 40’s in New Jersey, spoke three languages, and received his medical degrees in Europe. I was mesmerized by his story telling style and attention to detail.
A dear family friend with experience in ethnic studies and writing recently came forward to fulfill a promise he had made years ago to Fletcher to help organize his rough material. My sister and I got down to business and cleaned out the storage bin where we had deposited boxes full of Ric and Fletcher’s stuff three years ago. Our intent to gradually sift through the boxes never materialized so this was a great impetus to bring everything home and go through it. This pile of empty boxes are the fruits of the time I spent in May and June reorganizing and letting go of stuff while Jeanne found all of Fletcher’s written material for Tom to work with.
Tom made the trip to The Number Nine to gather up Fletcher’s material and make a plan to put it all together in a manageable presentation. He delivered that manuscript within a month and met us in Montana to talk with Fletcher’s boys and discuss his evaluation of the product.
From an academic view Tom pointed to the value of Fletcher’s story for its clear description of the demographics of his childhood neighborhood and his struggle to make his dream of being a doctor come true in difficult circumstances. To us this manuscript is priceless and each member of our family revels in knowing Fletcher a little better through his own words. In a larger sense, he touches upon so many issues from the time of his growing up and how the importance of his spirit and upbringing moved his family’s prospects forward. I remember him saying “just keep moving forward”.
So now we have his manuscript and prospects for publishing. But most importantly we have Fletcher in his words thanks to Tom Trzyna.
Jeff Frost came to The Number Nine with the recommendations of two talented Coachella Valley artists, Ryan Campbell and Phillip K Smith III. I was needing a tortoise caretaker while on vacation and Jeff was starting a new chapter in his life and needing space to wrap up a project. It became another perfect match for The Number Nine’s mission: win-win-win.
The Number Nine is not everyone’s cup of tea but talking with Jeff for just a bit revealed he passed desert living muster better than I do. However, visiting Jeff’s website was not a simple cruise through pretty pictures. His complex projects interact with the forces of nature and time requiring my thought and challenging my perception. I could feel Ric smiling on this encounter. Jeff had The Number Nine spirit.
Jeff’s recent work has been focused on chronicling California’s fires and the increasing role they are playing in our new stage of climate change. It appears that fire is here to stay and Jeff is capturing its devastating story in photos and video. He’s also shining light to the creative aspects of fire as a performance piece as well as transforming man’s structures and materials into weirdly beautiful creations.
Consider the razor’s edge man has walked on with fire for so many millennium. Harnessing its tremendous power catapulted man on his way to industry and civiliazation. Yet we have created conditions now in which it blossoms on its own and we are left to contemplate how earth rebalances itself due to our interruptions.
Thank you Jeff – you are always welcome back at The Number Nine and we look forward to following your future projects.
What is it about April that has spawned so much violence. The coming of spring makes us foolish but does it also make us mad?
In the spirit of Noah Purifoy, I’ve finished a couple of little installation pieces on the property. The place is developing its own geography and I will soon have to make a map similar to Winnie the Pooh’s woods. The Medicine Wheel and Memorial Wall continue as a work in progress but this late spring brought a meditation on the collapse of a wooden chair left out in the elements, a palm frond fence covering, and an installation using four boxes of camera bodies, lenses, and miscellaneous photography accessories that Ric had collected. He had always said they would be worth a lot of money someday. That has not happened but it’s an excellent sub-title for this piece. I placed all that I could in the stubs of the trimmed fronds on a palm tree and littered the ground below with photography detritus. Ric’s unfinished masks found there way into the assemblage and seem to fit well.
The Whole World is Watching is another sub-title of the piece. This chant from the protestors at the 1968 Chicago Democratic Convention has come to mind frequently in these turbulent political times. Back then, the videotaping of the police violence allowed us all to watch the horror live in a way we had not seen before. Today, we are flooded with images and news reports to an extent beyond our abilities to integrate in a healthy way. The yin and the yang of technology’s possibilities brings the imperative of taking responsibility to find a personally healthy way to guard against excess while still remaining informed and engaged.
These installation pieces are proving to be activities I use to help myself filter the appalling truths of our 21st century world in an uplifting way. I feel really good about reusing materials that would normally be thrown away. The time I spend creatively thinking helps me view subjects a little more deeply before being blasted by another. The work outside and manipulating objects feels so grounding and healing. It all feels like a gigantic jigsaw puzzle that I’m called to put together. It’s especially satisfying when the seemly useless and valueless things I have reveal some fun new use or become the perfect thing to give someone else at just the right time and space.
Years ago I settled into a chair on the wrap-around porch of an over-the-top Victorian style bed and breakfast in Cape May NJ. When I looked up, the sky blue ceiling of the porch sparked some calming chemicals in my brain. I fell in love with a blue ceiling! In sharing this remarkable response I had with others, I learned it was a southern thing meant to prevent spiders from making webs and mud daubers from building nests based on the theory that they interpret the color as the sky. There’s also the superstition that it keeps ghosts away since it’s the color of water and everyone knows ghosts can’t traverse water. Whatever the reason, there’s the indisputable pleasure of gazing at an artificial sky on a cloudy day.
April and May brought a blue porch ceiling that extended on to the eaves circling The Number Nine. With the crossbeams painted a dark chocolate, I feel a wonderful convergence of heavenly and earthly energetics in a simple coat of paint. I am truly astonished how much it raises my mood catching glimpses out the window or while swimming. Something in my brain is deeply and deliciously tickled and I become a big smile.
By the way, I’ve found some spider webs, no mud daubers, and so far no ghosts.