What is it about April that has spawned so much violence. The coming of spring makes us foolish but does it also make us mad?

The Medicine Wheel and Memorial Wall have been morphing into their own creations and rather than being projects they are now amusements that have woven themselves into my daily rounds.

I continue to find the white, black and gold rocks needed for the north, west, and south parts of the medicine wheel on the property. However, the red rocks are not to be found in Sky Valley. I’ve had to be more creative in finding red things to use. I’ve painted some rocks but most recently I’ve stolen gorgeous red rocks from the Nephi Utah Red Bluffs Elementary School landscape features each time we stop there on the way to and from Montana. The symbolism of lightning and rattlesnakes has also manifested itself along with the power of horses all according to Black Elk’s vision.

The memorial wall was disappointing me in that it wasn’t beautiful until I discovered covering the installation of the water bottles with the palm fronds that are periodically cut from the trees on the property. The palm has always been a symbol of peace and they are remarkably malleable and enduring. Not sending all these fronds to the dump is an added benefit. The full moon ritual of filling the water bottles has been changed only in adding drops of chlorine to the water before sealing with beeswax. Threats of nuclear attacks or earthquakes spawn thoughts that maybe this water will be our survival for a while!

The names of victims are no longer important. It seems to be a general reminder of man’s inhumanity to man. The recent airing of Ken Burn’s The Vietnam War put it all over the top. We are fortunate to have been able to count our dead at 58,229, and have their names forever inscribed in black marble. For the Vietnamese, their fatal casualties can only be estimated at 2 million. Most of their families don’t know how, where, or when their loved ones died. The whole countryside is a memorial to their deaths in fighting for their reunification and in the end we left them to fight against each other.

The morning quiet time I used to spend at the pool has moved up to the golden temple. I’ve taken to trekking up there with incense and a trinket from my prodigious stockpile of gizmos that Ric left. As I walk up the mountain, I find a place to set the trinket with some natural element like a special rock, or dried leaves, or a bone so the trail is lined with little markings of my passage. It’s just a thing I started doing with no real plan but is ridiculously satisfying; akin to a jigsaw puzzle. After a bit of reading and writing I come back down into the Medicine Wheel and Memorial Wall to sit and see what they have to tell me about next steps in their evolution. Then I seem ready to start my day or work.

We give books at Xmas and one given to my step-brother was a new book about Black Elk, the Lakota visionary and healer. I couldn’t read Black Elk Speaks when it was revived in the 1970’s because everyone else was. It developed a cult following at that time and I am fad averse! But now I have been swept away by both books and am following Black Elk’s visionary descriptions to build my Medicine Wheel. It’s strangely satisfying to slowly bring just the right rocks and objects to the wheel within the framework of his description of Lakota cosmology and relation to nature.

His personal experience of living through the upheaval of his people’s balanced existence in the natural world based on the great buffalo herds to fighting a war they knew they had no way of winning, is a humbling read that sheds light on another era of human insanity. Having previously read a new account of Chief Joseph’s flight with the Nez Perce, these people have crept into my heart. As victims of human brutality and prejudice, they will be remembered in my memorial wall as well.

The wall has been put aside during this native american sojourn I’ve been on. I had to let go of the plan to create ceramic medallions with names inscribed on them because I don’t have the time or inclination to put that much work out. I’d rather move rocks! But each full moon has found me still filling bottles to be bathed in moonlight. A friend reminded me that we are mostly made of water and so the bottles filled with water is feeling very right. At this point the plan is to lay down an audio track whispering the people’s names that will play on an outdoor, motion-detecting sound system. Like those xmas decorations that sing xmas songs when get near them!

So the project continues. It has become my own private workout activity. I’m only building it in ways that I can handle which limits things a bit but I like it that way. There are some big rocks I’d like to incorporate but if I can’t move them by myself, they are off limits! Also it remains true to the limitation to be made of materials on the property. It’s growing where it is planted and a source of healing an meditation for me.

UPDATE: November 8, 2016:

The land behind the studio is leveled, the outline marked, and the bottles are starting to add up.

Bottles ready.

Most importantly, I’ve come to terms with the fact that this is a long term or potentially never ending project. As a healing space, it is already working its magic for me in being a work in progress

I had a wonderful time at the rock store picking out rock for each of the directions of the medicine wheel; ultimately realizing I didn’t want to spend the money on it. Part of the spirit of this project is repurposing materials so I’m back to the drawing board for adding color to the wheel.

Carolyn and I have done some talking and December will bring her out here to get me started on the ceramic medallions for each person being commemorated.

There’s plenty to work to be done on it in the meantime and I’m quite content with it being unfinished and ever changing.

View from above with outline

UPDATE: November 22, 2016

The previous owners of The Number Nine had a sweatlodge set up behind what is now the studio. The told us they had gone to the Dakotas and been trained by the Lakota in the proper ceremony and we both did sweats with them. When we moved in I consulted

It’s happening!

with a friend of mine who was in a native american women’s training program about dismantling the firepit and the sweatlodge. She gave me a ceremony to do it and stressed that the rocks used to heat the water could not be used for anything and needed to be buried. We had someone come with a bobcat and bury them but didn’t do a very good job as some of the rocks have resurfaced and been exposed for a while.

Today I took care of that. I made a pit in middle of the outline I’ve made for the medicine wheel and buried them. I added some clear quartz crystals and a bag of Ric’s ashes mixed with his brother’s and father’s ashes, his mother’s hair, and ashes and fur of three of his cats. I said the native american prayer and chanted my own magic words

Basalt column in the center.

over them all while burining sage, copal, and incense. After sitting quietly, I finally buried them all and mounted a basalt column on top. This is the anchor of the wheel around which all spins. The rock is a piece of basalt that Ric got from the local rock sculptor. It even has a lovely sound when you tap it reminding me that this wheel needs to speak to all the senses – not sure how to do taste but we’ll see how that resolves itself.

Sweat lodge fire rocks with Rics ashes. RIP dear one.

The November full moon bathed another batch of bottles and they even received a bit of rain water. I’ve taken to putting a penny in each one before closing it. A penny for your thoughts! I needed to come up with a way to protect the tops which I think are the most vulnerable to the elements and the perfect solution came to mind. I’ll be sealing them with beeswax. It was Ric’s last medium to use and he left me a huge stockpile of it! I’m looking forward to working in his studio on that process.

I’m feeling more and more like this is my healing space. The making of it, dreaming about it, solving problems, the heavy lifting, digging in the dirt, moving rocks –  all calm my upset over the state of the world. It grounds and centers me and ties me to Ric’s spirit. He always made art in response to passionate feelings.

December 22, 2016

Bottles ready for the full moon!

Ric said this and I’m living it. The part I like about this project is not knowing if I’ll end up with what I had envisioned. In business or rocket science it’s pretty important to actualize the initial targets; but for this project I’ve built in uncertainty as a spiritual practice. I’m letting people, materials, time, and happenstance inform this journey.

The December full moon was special in that it was the closest to earth in a long time so the third batch of bottles bathed in its light. I ran out of pennies so I’m using beads I’ve saved from necklaces that have unstrung themselves. I had thought someday I would restring them but now I can take that off my to do list!

Saratoga and Pellegrino bottle retaining wall.

The medicine wheel framework is completed and I am content with waiting for it to manifest future additions and improvements as needed to fulfill its role as a healing haven from the darkness of the world. I’ve used the beautiful blue Saratoga bottles that my sister and I are suckers for as a retaining wall and old straw bales Ric had set up for archery target practice as fill where needed. Much easier than dirt!  It’s already a comforting space for walking meditation, speaking prayers, burning incense, and just sitting quietly enjoying your breath. Under the view of the Golden Temple outcropping and with the rocks from the prior owners’ sweat lodge buried in the center, it’s feeling very powerful and safe.

The memorial wall implementation has already gone through major revisions based on materials and time available. Also the original inspiration began to change. I was wanting to keep the victims’ names alive along with their perpetrator by inscribing their names on ceramic medallions affixed to the bottom of Figi bottles of water built into a wall. But it quickly became apparent that these enactments on the world stage were actually a pointer to something much bigger. From the time my brain could first cope with the burden of our collective callousness, I have struggled with my own humanness and my role in the family of man that was capable of so much inhumane treatment of fellow humans. I find my spirit still struggling with this essential problem and trying through this project to comfort myself.

Our estrangement from ourselves and each other is increasing as populations vie for the world’s wealth and resources. Coincidentally, it is the globalization of our society and instant transfer of information that while binding us closer has also fueled many of the violent reactions to divide us.  It seems we are challenged on an individual basis to decide if we believe in us and them, or just us. It seems to me to be a crucially important fork in the road for us humans but most probably its just the fork I happen to be facing. It’s a time in which we can put an end to ourselves or move ourselves into the next ring of higher consciousness. I’m betting on the later with eyes wide open about the probabilities that we may well annihilate ourselves and our planet. But then we’ve been here before and avoided it by the skin of our chinny chin chin.

Carolyn came this month to walk me through the process of making the ceramic medallions. I whittled her immense knowledge and enthusiasm down to a nub that I, the working girl, could deal with. We came up with an initial plan that didn’t blow my mind with the complexities of ceramic work and came to terms with the realization this is probably a project with only beginnings and no endings. In the meantime, I’m toying with an audio solution for memorializing the victims’ names. I have a musician coming to stay in January whose brain I plan to pick for a technical design of an audio loop that can be played outdoors and run on solar energy.

This solution did not work!

Nice rack!

Some ideas don’t work and Carolyn uttered the magic word, RACK, to solve this one. We both woke up the next morning having found the white steel pieces of griding Ric had stashed for hanging paintings temporarily. The bottles just happen to fit perfectly!  Voila – problem solved within my limitation of using materials I already have! The wall moved from the medicine wheel to the wash and does double duty of reinforcing the sides of the wash that is wearing away.

I’m on break for the holidays in Montana writing this. I look forward to a new year in which the thought of this project keeps my mind pointing in a healing direction. I must remember how much human magnificence has come out of human barbarity in the past; like the lotus blossoming from the mud.

A healing medicine wheel with a memorial wall for victims of gun violence.

These two projects have been brewing for quite a while on the back burner of my mind and merged the night of the nearly full moon of Sept 14 that woke me. It was one of those nights you wake up and know you are not going back to sleep. So I got up and began walking around the pool in the moonlight. A stream of intermittent thought and emptiness flowed through my head like Morse code; dots and dashes of ideas and nothingness as I soaked in the moon’s ethereal rays.

This image is a rough draft of the medicine wheel I envisioned when Liesl first brought the notion up about a year ago. Set at the foot of the trail up to the golden temple with rock chosen for the traditional colors associated with the directions. Flags because I love things that move in the wind, tassles are even better! Maybe they will have bells on them?

I envision the wall built on the outer perimeter of the wheel with names visible from both inside and outside. The idea is to build the wall from discarded Figi water bottles filled with water. We drink Figi like crazy yet I can’t stand to throw the bottles away! Ceramic medallions attached to the bottom of each will be engraved with the name of a victim of man’s inhumanity to man. The uptick in gun violence is an inspiration but then there are so many other victims that call to me; firefighters, friends, and celebrities we miss. This is open-ended as it should be. Perhaps there is another memorial wall needing to be made for those who I feel grateful for having known their lives in some meaningful way.

The ideas have sufficiently coalesced to begin acknowledgment of the inspiration for the varying elements by different people. This collaboration of influences is an element in itself and a tribute to my water dragon nature – the integrator of ideas and people. So here’s a rough list of shout-outs and acknowledgements to bring the essence of these people into the being of this project.

• Jan Scott – Mayan spiritual bathing principles. The water bottles are filled and let to stand in the full moonlight. See Ixchel.
• Noriko Stephens – Introduced me to the Nichiren Japanese Buddhist chant, Nam Myoho Renge Kyo – connecting to the mystic law of the universe through voice vibration. It seems appropriate to use while filling the bottles.
• Carolyn Laliberte – Giving guidance on creating ceramic medallions that can withstand the elements to install on the bottom of the bottles. Each will have a name of a victim and an icon or location indicated. They may be color-coded by location. This is on the back burner cooking!
• Liezl Siojo – Brought the idea of a Medicine wheel for healing.
• Noah Purifoy – Visiting his installation in Joshua Tree pointed to using repurposed materials.
• Dorothy Holmberg, Jeanne Johnson, Me – Eating and drinking to provide the boxes and bottles for building the wall.
• Lynn Dolnick – For vilifying Figi water bottles and making it impossible for me to throw away
• Donald Trump – The wall – need I say more?
• John Adams – Transmigration of Souls brought to mind an audio tape reading of names and places.
• Ric Rowland – Number Nine – the boxes hold either 36 or 72 bottles – both add to 9
• Michael Heizer – spending a lifetime on a project. Just one of many examples of people who start something with no immediate end in sight.

Putting this in writing is a good impetus to start doing it! One box is made, a process has begun, and the location has been narrowed down to a couple of sites. There are lots of details to work out and I’m content with this being a work in progress. That tells me I have changed! I’m looking forward to the journey this project takes me on. It will undoubtedly change direction as all good creative works do; but here is a starting framework.

Leveled land behind the studio